


Woman (in the mirror)

by Gabethebabe



Series: Flowers and Blood [1]
Category: Leviathan - Scott Westerfeld
Genre: Gen, Genderqueer, Other, trans boy dylan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3781735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabethebabe/pseuds/Gabethebabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes your reflection tells a truth you don't want to hear.<br/>Sometimes your reflection lies with you.<br/>Sometimes your reflection's lies become your new truth.<br/>Set sometimes before the beginning of Goliath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woman (in the mirror)

**Author's Note:**

> More gender stuff!  
> A small note: this is dealing with dysphoria and confusion, so the pronouns will change around a lot between he and she. Just know that this piece is only about one person (Deryn/Dylan).  
> Story title inspiration: woman (in the mirror) by La Dispute (this song is actually one I listen to when I'm feeling disphoric).

Dylan straightened his tie, then straightened it again. He combed through his hair with his fingers, then did so again. This endless fidgeting had gone on for about half an hour before he started to wonder what the other men did during their off days. They probably slept or read, enjoying the silence.  
But for someone like Dylan...silence could be violent. 

Still he tried to enjoy his free time. He picked up his sketch book and began working on a few unfinished pieces, but soon he found it impossible to concentrate. From somewhere in the back of his mind the image of Alek smirking made him ripple with unease.

When he- she- he.

He.

When he first decided to join the air service it had been simply out of a need to fly, but lately the young Scot had been slipping away from his former female identity. Sure, she'd always firgured herself- hisself- whatever- a tomboy growing up but what he felt now was something completely different. He- She- He had become so immersed in the idea of being Dylan it was as if she'd- he'd- she'd- HE'D actually been born Dylan. It just felt so right, so natural, and it was all so damn confusing. The more confusing it got, the more frustrating it got. Eventually it all became so isolating, as he didn't exactly didn't have anyone on the ship to confide in.

The prudish clankers wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole, let alone actually listen to his side of the story.

And her fellow darwins? That'd just get her kicked off the ship and sent to jail...or worse...  
All of this was so confusing.  
He threw down his sketch notebook down, the weight of his own reality nearly too much to shoulder. He knew he would have to make peace soon, because ignoring this was destroying him.  
Somehow he found himself in front of the cabin's mirror, fidgeting again.

With a final sigh of frustration he gave up on straightening his tie. Something uncharacteristic of the always well dressed midshipmen. With sudden resolve he looked at his reflection, gritted his teeth, and growled.

"Ma, God, and law be damned!" A fervent rage filled spread through his stomach. "I'm more happy than I've ever been! I'm the most alive I'll ever be again if I have to go back to skirts and corsets! I don't care- I'll be Dylan Sharp for the rest of my life!"

His reflection did not respond. There was so female voice from within his mind attempting to dissuade him. Something deep within him finally clicked and he realized that Dylan was his truth and his future.

He- His- Him.

That was the day he'd finally become the man he was meant to be.


End file.
